


Heads or Tails

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-20
Updated: 2009-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-26 12:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10787049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Harry can't keep from saying the wrong thing to his pregnant wife.





	Heads or Tails

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Harry leaned back on the extra pillows he had propped against the headboard. 

“There!” he exclaimed aloud to the empty room. He pulled the duvet up to his shoulders and tried to relax. But it was no use. If he turned his head in either direction, he was rewarded with a stabbing pain. 

What if he had to go to work like this in the morning? He’d never live it down. His picture would be on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_. Rita Skeeter would have a field day. He could imagine the malicious smirk on her face as she interviewed him.

_“Tell me, Harry, exactly how you made your pregnant wife angry enough to….”_

“Enough!” he shouted, struggling to get out of bed. He would grovel until Ginny removed the hex. It might take all night, but it had to be done. 

His wife was sitting at the kitchen table, devouring a slice of chocolate cheesecake. She didn’t look up as he entered the room.

“I’m sorry, Ginny,” Harry said contritely, falling to his knees in front of her. “All I meant to do was agree with you.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Ginny stopped eating long enough to glare at him. 

“So you agree that I’m fat?” she snapped. 

“No! You’re eating for two now.” That still didn’t sound right. 

She gave a short laugh, stabbing the cheesecake with her fork as if she wished it were him.

“Eating for two? For your information, that concept went out decades ago. And where did eating come into it? I only said those maternity pants I wore today made my bum look big. Since you were kind enough to agree, you must think I’m fat.”

Too late, Harry remembered Bill Weasley’s advice. 

_“Never, ever tell a pregnant woman she’s fat. Never agree with her if she says she’s fat. Agree with her on everything else.”_

He had obviously missed something along the way.

“Ginny, please forgive me and get rid of these things. I have a meeting first thing tomorrow! You don’t want me to go to work looking like this, do you?”

Ginny finished her cheesecake, scraping up every last bit. She would have licked the plate if she had been alone in the kitchen. Then she glanced over at Harry.

He was sprawled on the kitchen floor, his head resting on the seat of a chair. He looked so adorably miserable that Ginny’s heart melted. Picking up her wand, she whispered a few words. With a small puff of smoke, the antlers growing out of Harry’s head vanished. 

Scrambling to his feet, he happily embraced Ginny, who smiled and gave him a big kiss.

“Thank you, love,” he said gratefully. “Is there any more cheesecake, or did you eat it all?”

Her smile vanished.

“Did I eat it all?” she repeated, sounding dangerous.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Harry said hastily. “It’s just really good cheesecake, that’s all. Why don’t you waddle over to the refrigerator and get me some?” 

His teasing expression changed to one of horror as Ginny grabbed her wand again and advanced toward him. The murderous look in her eyes would have frightened Voldemort.

“I’m sorry, it just slipped out! Please, Ginny, no!”

The next morning, Kingsley Shacklebolt impatiently waited in the conference room with several Aurors.

“Harry’s late,” he said, glancing at his watch. “That’s not like him at all.”

When Harry arrived a few minutes later, everyone stared him curiously. Despite the heat wave, he was wrapped in a long, heavy cloak that dragged the ground. He had stopped at the Burrow and borrowed it from a laughing Arthur Weasley.

“Have a seat and we’ll begin,” Kingsley said.

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather stand,” Harry said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He backed into a corner and leaned against the wall.

“We’ll be in here a long time, Harry. Please take off your cloak and sit down,” Kingsley said testily.

“I can’t,” Harry mumbled. He knew they would think he was crazy, but there was no way he was letting anyone see the extra-long, furry tail he had been sporting since last night. 


End file.
